Confessions of a red light addict

The red light flashes. It’s a summons I cannot ignore. Doesn’t matter where I am. Or what I'm doing. Or who I'm with. The red light MUST be heeded. At once. Or the pain will follow. Distracting me from the conversation I'm in. From the book I'm reading. The TV show I'm watching. The long story my kids are telling me. The ice-cream I'm eating. Nothing is stronger than the call of the red light.

Not to respond to the flashing red-light means unbearable anxiety. So many unanswered questions that only heeding that call could answer. Just the agony of not knowing……it's too much to bear.

I can't do it, I have to respond. Now. I know it's rude. It's going to upset people. It's going to cause misunderstandings and possibly fights. But you don’t understand. You cannot see the red light flashing and ignore it.

I disgust myself sometimes. I never thought I would be so meekly subservient. So ready to give the red-light such a high priority in my life, after I used to look down on other red-light slaves for so long. I see my husband rolling his eyes 'here we go again'. I know my kids are willing me not to let it get in the way of our time together.

I hate that I'm darting glances in that direction, making sure I don’t miss a single moment from when the red-light starts flashing. It’s the week-end. I shouldn’t be thinking about the red-light at all. But not knowing tears at me. Consumes my attention. Demands an answer. NOW.

Is it an email? Or SMS? An instant message? I just need to know. Now. To heck with self-control, I'm finding out now. I give in. And pick up my BlackBerry.

It's an email from the wife of an ousted Minister in an African banana republic, who very kindly wants to give me a lot of money. It appears that I have also won millions of Euros in a lottery draw I never entered. There's a joke about George Bush (still?) in my SMS inbox. Oh well, it could have been something really important and then how would I have felt if I hadn’t read it at once?

Messages read, the red light goes off, ready to summon me the second I get another one. But I will be stronger the next time, I really will. I will show the red light who is boss. Oh no, what if the next time round it is something from MY boss? Guess it'll have to be from the time after next then…..

Published in the Gulf News 18 Dec 2009

http://gulfnews.com/opinions/speakyourmind/be-heard-addiction-in-the-new-age-1.554884

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